"Jesus Calling" Day 1

On my birthday I received the book "Jesus Calling" from my wonderful sister-in-law, Kasi. This book is a devotional book that guides you through each day. Sadly, I have not stopped and taken the time to experience this journey. I decided that I must start today! I have been through so many emotions in the past couple of years. Especially recently. I am not a crier, but I seem to feel the need lately to loose myself in my tears. I feel depression pulling at me more than I would care to visit that side of my emotions. I am usually pretty laid back and happy. When a co-worker mentioned that she "misses me" because I have not been myself lately and she wants the "Happy Pam" back I realized that I am letting this stress and sadness take over my life. I can't do that anymore. It is not easy to keep those emotions at bay, but not everyone can understand my position. My hope is just as Kasi wrote in the book, that this devotional journey will "touch me" and give me the faith, hope and strength that I feel I am lacking.

I thought that it might be a good idea for me to write my thoughts each day on the Bible verses I read. I would like to invite you all to join me on this journey as I work to find a way to trust in God more completely that He is on my side and has a plan for my life. Each verse will speak to each person reading it in a differnt way. Everyone has trials in their life and could use a little guidence. I hope that through my journey each of you will find answers to whatever may be on your heart at the time.

Day 1:

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I am not that great a translating scripture. But I think it is about what the verse means to me and where I am in my life. The world is a hectic place and society has lost its way. I think we all need to let go of what the world thinks we should be and the things we should have in this life and let God back our hearts. Cameron tells me all the time that I worry too much about what others think. If I can let go of all of the needless "things" running around in my mind and fully open my heart and mind to God I think am sure that I will become a stronger person in every way. I understand that God has a plan for me in this life. I don't understand why my prayers have not been answered for a child. If God knows my heart and hears my prayers why doesn't he answer? Maybe it's not the right time. But when is the right time? So many questions. No answers. What I know and choose to believe from this point is that God does know my heart and my desires. He has a plan and some way, some how my prayers will be answered. I am trying to be patient and maybe that is my test from God. Maybe all of this is testing my faith.

"I will do my very best, Lord, to be patient and understanding that good things come to those who wait. I pray for strength and patience to understand the things that I cannot control. I leave my life in your hands, trusting that you do have a plan for me. I don't want my sadness to win control of my life. I must let go knowing that your protection is surrounding me and trust that you know what is best. This is not easy because I don't understand. But I am putting my heart in your hands and pray that you will help me understand. Amen."

XOXO Pamela